The Mamahood

A Swine Flu Survival Guide

My oldest spent Halloween on the couch, suffering from the first onslaught of what became a lost week for the Mamahood household, as each of us was felled in turn by what the pediatrician called "one of many viruses going around, possibly H1N1." (Not that he'd do the test to figure it out.)

But since we've suffered through a week of some sort of swine-like virus, I can give you a few pointers to help you through the flu.

1. Don't expect to get through unscathed. The whole thing about quarantining the sick person to one room away from everyone else seems a little far fetched to me. If your child (and let's face it, it always starts with the child) is one to willingly be separated out from the crowd to a sick room, you're a lucky person. But mine just want to crawl in my lap and cough right into my face. And I can't exactly blame them.

2. Have your takeout menus at the ready. No one was really up to cooking for the duration of the flu, so we ended up calling in several cultures' versions of comfort food to keep us going. For me, the two quarts of wonton soup I downed this week was like a big shot in the arm of Tamiflu.

3. Remember: What happens during flu season, stays during flu season. Your house will look like a disaster (as will you). Your feverish mate will likely do something to tick you off—and you will do the same to him. And you may just decide to let your kids eat lollipops for lunch, because they're sick anyway and you can't get up off the couch. But none of it should ever be brought up once the quarantine is lifted. You get a free pass. You have the flu.

4. Hope your stars align and it happens when there isn't a whole lot going on. I was lucky, in some respects, as this came when my daughter's school was closed for the bulk of the week (darned teacher's conference). She didn't miss much. But it did occur during a key week for several of my clients, which meant I got a lot of, "That sucks that you and your family have swine flu. So when are you getting that to me?" e-mails.

5. Remember that there's no rest for the wicked—or for moms, apparently. You will still be expected to keep the family in some semblance of civilization. Even if you do wear the same pajamas three days in a row.

Good luck to you.

It's a Scream

There's no hitting allowed in our house—including spanking. But as my neighbors can attest, the volume tends to go up around here—especially when the kids are being their most out-of-control selves. Now the experts in a new New York Times article are saying that yelling can be nearly as detrimental to a child's psyche as spanking. 

Which is great, because we're not all carrying around enough guilt because we bottlefed with BPA-ridden bottles, work and have to leave our kids with someone else, let them watch TV before they turned two and generally did the kinds of stuff our parents let us do back in the day (and we turned out okay). We definitely need to be made to feel even more terrible about raising our voices when our kids are snarling, screaming and fighting for dear life for the same pair of fairy wings.

Honestly, when the timeouts, the 1, 2, 3s, and the rah-rah sticker charts aren't working, I kind of run out of other options—and the patience to try them, too. I'd love to see the experts try their best "dears, that's a bad choice" on my daughters when they're worked up to a frenzy. I bet I wouldn't have to get to three before the experts started their screaming.

Bargains Galore

I've always been in awe of my mother, who manages to score amazing deals—like the totally cute, 75-cent lavender dress she bought for my oldest daughter, which has survived dozens of wearings by both of my girls and has likely averaged out to less than a penny for each wearing. My deals tend to be more of the 20-percent off variety. Good, but exactly not setting the world on fire.

That's why I've been religiously following my friend's blog, Hey, Check This Out, where she's collecting the craziest deals, coupons and freebies out there (apparently, she's my generation's mom to watch). So far, I've scored a few fab freebies that will be coming in the mail, and I'm keeping my eye out for some of those amazing bargains that I can brag about to my mom.

Cooking With Friends

I love to cook, but often, after spending the day slaving away over a hot laptop, the last thing I want to do is figure out what to make for dinner. I hear a lot about people who like to make big batches of soups, or multiple casseroles at one time and freeze one for posterity (and preservation of sanity), but I've never been skilled at making that work for me.

But if I could make the meals while gossiping with my girlfriends over a hot stove (perhaps with a nice glass of pinot noir in hand)? Well, that'd be my idea of a good time. That's the concept behind the Cooking With Friends blog, which offers tips, recipes and suggestions for starting your own cooking club.

Another excuse to get together with my friends? Totally worth it!

Ladies Who Lunch

School hasn't even started yet, and I'm already dreading the nightly chore of putting together lunches that my daughters will actually eat. Even when I let them pick, they apparently change their minds at some point between the packing and lunchtime.

I'm hoping to get a little more inspired this school year. I'm planning to pick up some cool bento items that'll let me accommodate my little grazers, and I'm hoping to be inspired by Cookie magazine's "30 Days, 30 Lunches" ideas—though some of the ideas, like the Hello! Kitty shaped sandwich, seem a little too ambitious for a standard Tuesday night. But I'd love to hear from you guys—any cool (and healthy) ideas for little lunches for my new kindergartener and preschooler?

Cheaper Eats

I always marvel when I hear about the coupon masters, who can essentially get their grocery stores to pay them to take the food off their hands, or the people who are so adept at home economics that they can feed their families on pennies a day.

I'd love to be able to say that my family is that frugal, but despite my best efforts at shopping sales, buying in bulk from Costco, trying to limit prepackaged foods, and utilizing the occasional coupon, we still end up in the $1,000 range to feed a family of four and three pets each month. In part because we've cultivated expensive tastes in our kids. (Our daughters beg for sushi.)

So I was intrigued to read $30 a week, a blog of one couple's attempt to try to feed themselves each week on just $15 a person. They definitely have some recipes I'm dying to try (pistachio pesto, anyone?), but I have to admit I'm a little skeeved by a few of their tactics (i.e. dollar store grocery shopping). Which is probably why I'm paying $1,000 a month to feed my family.

My forays to the farmer's market have actually helped keep our grocery bill in line—other than the occasional splurges from the marekt, llike that fabulous homemade strawberry jam at $7 for a small jar. But I still have a long way to go before I can get down to something resembling $15 a head for my crew.

Note to Self

It's been flashback city here, thanks to Facebook's ability to reconnect you with long-lost schoolmates, and our local rock station's penchant for playing music from the early 90s (hello, Smashing Pumpkins).

And I've been thinking a whole lot about the girl I once was, and what advice I'd give her now. (Not that she'd probably take it.) If I'd known these five things, I probably would have shed a lot fewer tears in my lifetime.

1. Popularity is overrated. I was completely unpopular in high school, thanks to the fact that nerdy only became cool about a decade ago (thank you, Tina Fey). I had a couple of true and lasting friendships from high school, and I really should have cared less about the rest of them. 

2. If a guy asks you to give up the things you love for him, he's not worth it. One boyfriend tried to convince me to give up most of my friends, the career path I loved and my work on the college newspaper. And I'm ashamed to say I bent to his will, at least at first. But you can't force a person to be someone she's not—and I'm so glad I fought back.

3. It really doesn't matter what college you go to. I desperately wanted to go to a big-name college, but since the best college scholarships go to kids who can dribble a ball rather than put together a sentence, I ended up at one of my "safety schools." But while a college name may get you in the door for your career, it's really your talent and drive that determines whether you're successful. And besides, I wouldn't have met my husband or most of my closest friends if I hadn't been there.

4. Drunkenness is highly overrated. Thanks to its primo location in the middle of nowhere, my college was consistently rated one of the top party schools in the nation while I attended. And I definitely helped contribute to that. But I wasted a lot of money and time getting wasted. And the only place my skill at drinking came in handy was during a drinking contest on a press trip to Aruba, where I won a t-shirt for my ability to chug a beer faster than anyone else. I'm sure my mom will be very proud. 

5. You can learn something in class. I was a notorious class skipper...I can recall at least two occasions where I attended exactly one class all week. I managed to coast on through to magna cum laude with minimal attendance, but I probably would have a lot more Jeopardy-worthy facts stored in my head (not to mention a shot at summa) if I'd actually shown up. 

I'm getting one of these...

I'm finally breathing again. Yesterday, I took my daughters out to ride bikes in the neighborhood. As I tried to get our youngest daughter settled on her trike, our oldest started pedaling hers, and couldn't get the brake on as she coasted toward the street.

I screamed and ran as she was heading directly into the path of a big lumbering SUV, and people drive about 50 mph down our little 25 mph road, so surely they wouldn't stop in time.

Fortunately, disaster was averted, and I managed to grab both her and the bike before they were in harm's way, but it definitely scared the bejeezus out of everyone involved...and made me feel like the worst mom in the world. So a big fat screen that'd make my daughter's bike stop? Well worth the investment.

The Benefits of Two

Now that I've been the mom of two for nearly three weeks, I'm starting to get the hang of this whole two kid scenario. Here's some of the benefits to doubling the child faction of the family:

1. They can (sometimes) entertain themselves. When we were our daughter's only built-in playmates, one of us had to help storm the castle and save the prince (unless the princess was able to take on a solo mission). But now, her little sister is willing to play with her a bit, though at 18 months, she's a little uncertain what to do in many of the play scenarios. (Thankfully, she's rather quick-witted, so I'm sure she'll get the hang of it in the next few months.) Once in a while, my husband and I can actually sit and read for a few minutes...before we have to referee.

2. They can serve as role models for each other. Unfortunately, at the moment, our youngest daughter is serving more as a role model for the oldest...since our youngest is doing a little "catching up" nutritionwise, she's eating anything that's put in front of her, and lots of it. Our oldest is extremely competitive, and doesn't like seeing someone else showing her up by eating more broccoli.

3. Everything old is new again. Our oldest had outgrown the Fisher Price Little People...until her little sister came into the picture. Now, she's building elaborate scenarios involving animals flying in a plane to a nearby castle, and she was fighting to play with the new FP Farm our youngest received as a welcome gift.

Of course, this does mean double (or triple) the laundry, and double the bedtime struggles. But so far, it's been a blast.

That's SO Wrong

Okay, I'm big into spas and happy to experiment with some pretty out-there treatments, but these really, really creep me out. Would you dare to try any of them?