The Mamahood

Birthday Party Bias

My daughter has two preschools. One is a half-day program for two days a week, the other a full-day program three days a week. And she seems to be pretty darned popular at both. The problem? For the kids in the half-day class, Friday afternoons have become the "it" time to host birthday parties. Which means that either A. I have to give up precious work time (and the full-day program that I've paid for), so my daughter can be the belle of the ball...er, birthday party or B. She has to miss out on a day at the movies, a party at a gymnastics place, etc.

Neither option exactly floats my boat. But because of my current workload, B is the only option. Unless, of course, I can convince the SAHMs who dominate my daughter's preschool that actually, Saturday would be a much better choice. Not very likely though, I can imagine.

The Mommy Wars Meet Reality TV

For some truly riveting TV, check out The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom, now showing Monday nights on TLC. On the show, a long-time SAHM gets the chance to see the path she could have taken...if only she'd stayed in the job force. I missed the premiere, in which one SAHM tried out life as a fashion designer, and decided to take the job that was offered to her. But the episode I did catch was actually more fascinating to me: the SAHM got a chance to serve as a sous chef at a swanky restaurant. She stumbled at the beginning, but did great by the end, and was offered a job. After much soul searching and many tears, she decided to stay home with her kids instead.

What I love about the show? I think it's trying to illustrate that these are individual choices that each mom must make for themselves—and it's not an easy choice to make. There are times I second guess my decision to keep working (even though that's purely hypothetical, as we'd practically be living in the car without two incomes). But I've done what works for me—a career, but with flexibility. And I'm lucky to have that option.

The bad part of the show? Apparently, the show's message board have become a bitter battlefield, with virulent attacks on working moms, SAHMs. Let's get over it, girls. Until you walk a mile in another mom's stilettos or sneakers, you don't understand her. We all make the decision we think is best for us and for our families. And it's nobody's business but ours.

Bringing Home the Bacon

According to a new poll, men aren't as eager these days to take on the breadwinner role solo, and more men wouldn't mind if their wives brought home more bacon than they did. And since just a few years ago, the media were trumpeting that men feel emasculated if they don't make as much money as their wives (which is complete and utter bunk, in my opinion), it's pretty big news.

It makes me wonder what life will be like for our kids...will they usher in when most men serve as stay-at-home dads, nurturing the little ones while the women conquer the corporate world?

Free Money!

If you haven't signed up for Ebates yet, now's a good time. (If you haven't heard of it, it's a site that offers discounts at various e-tailers, and you get a nice fat check every quarter of all the money you've saved...I earned $14 in my first quarter with them.) But if you sign up now through February 14th, they'll double their usual "signing bonus" from $5 to $10.

Give it a try!

Following Your Dream

If you need inspiration to get off your tookus and start doing the things you want to do (instead of the day-in, day-out garbage that "has" to get done), start following the tips in this story. I'm using the ideas to try to jump start my writing. Give it a go!

I'm Resigned...er...Resolved

A new year, a new me. So, here's what I've resolved, thus far, for 2008.

1. I will start exercising more and eating less (after we polish off the massive jar of chocolate kisses my sister-in-law gave as a gift).

2. I will stop surfing the internet so much and start working harder (though, of course, I do get story inspiration and blog inspiration from surfing...so it's not all bad, right?).

3. I will search for ways to save money (we've already gotten a good head start on this in 2007).

4. I will stop procrastinating on my book proposal. I do want to write more books, and publishers can't buy my genius idea if I don't tell them about it!

5. I will start trying to be a little more patient...with both my mate and my daughter. This will require some drastic changes to my personality. But I'll try.

What are you hoping to accomplish in 2008?

The Second Time Around

My husband and I starting to feel relatively competent at handling our current brood...we can keep our daughter under control (for the most part), we've found just the right amount of exercise to keep our puppy in line, and our house stays tolerably put together. But I wonder how adding a new toddler to the mix is going to upset our order, and how long it'll be before we finally feel this under control again.

We're planning to bring our second (and last) child home in 2008 or 2009...and I'm starting to freak out. Any of you multi-kid moms have advice for keeping a lid on the chaos? Or am I right to be panicked?

Living the SAHM Life

For the past two weeks, I've essentially become a SAHM. I'm working just enough hours to cover living expenses, and as of this week, it makes little sense to pitch new business: Most editors are spending their days last-minute shopping on the web or sneaking off to holiday get-togethers, not poring through new queries. (I know...I was an editor once upon a time.)

I've enjoyed a lot of it: I've been able to spend lots of QT with my cutie, get things a bit more organized around the homestead, and whip up some fabulous meals for my appreciative husband. 

But I'm going through some serious work withdrawal. Even though I know this is a slow time of year for any freelancer, the lack of work is making me a little squirrelly. I like to be busy...in fact, I like to be monumentally busy. The kind of busy where I sweat about how I'm going to find the time to get everything done.

I have a few lingering long-term projects that I can take on: updating my website, working on a book proposal that has gotten some interest from agents, and strategizing where my career will take me from here. But I'm hoping I'll get another quick work fix before Santa makes his visit. Any takers?

What’s for dinner?

The other night my kindergartner’s homework assignment was to draw what she ate for dinner. The night she received the assignment we went to our friends’ home for dinner. My husband had been out of town all week and my friend’s husband was working late. She has two kids and is pregnant, and I brought over my 3 kids. That said - the kids ate (or should I say picked at) pizza, drank pink lemonade and had chocolate chip cookies.

I had my daughter draw her more sensible dinner from the night before (chicken, cucumbers and milk). She said “oh mommy but I just won’t draw the cookies.” I was probably being ridiculous but hey it made me feel better!

The Big Corporate Lie

In all the debate about why many well-educated, successful women drop out of the workforce to raise their kids, sometimes the big issue gets lost: Corporate America sucks when it comes to accommodating the needs of a working parent.

Sure, corporate HR departments love to bandy about terms like flex time, work-life balance, etc. But take a day or two off to care for a feverish toddler, or ask to start and end your day sooner so you can dash to daycare in time, and you'll get the cold shoulder from your colleagues. They don't care if you stayed up until after midnight to log in those extra hours--in most big companies, it's all about the face time. Surprisingly, even fellow mommies aren't terribly supportive--it seems that many of them feel that paying your dues as a working mom means you must miss tucking your baby in at night or find a daycare provider that's willing to go past 7 at the drop of a hat. (And hey, if you find it, give me their number!)

I really wanted to make it work after my daughter came home. But after several months, the writing was on the wall: I couldn't handle the two-hour commutes, the lack of workplace support, the nights I slogged home long after my daughter was asleep, the utter inflexibility. (Even though editing can easily be accomplished at home, I was rarely allowed to work off site.)  My daughter came home in July 2005. In April 2006, I quit what may be my last corporate job to become a freelance writer and editor.

And I'm not alone. In my close circle of mommy friends, not a single one is currently working a traditional, 9-to-5 (or 6 or 7 or 8) job. More than half have started their own companies (myself included). One works most days at home for a small company, another tried to negotiate a 4-day workweek, but with pretty limited success. In her field, that's just not allowed.

I think more moms would be willing to stay in the game, if they were given more support and more options. What if telecommuting wasn't frowned upon? What if it was okay to work from, say, 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. while your child napped, then skip watching Ugly Betty at night to log in the rest of your hours from 7 to midnight?

In most ways, this did work out for the best for me. I would never have taken the leap to freelancing if the companies I'd worked for were more willing to bend. I've discovered the joys of running my own business, of reaping all the rewards for the work I do, of being able to set my own schedule and work as I want to work. But when I feel guilty about taking a day off, or worry about a sudden dry spell, I wish I had other workable options.