The Mamahood

Opting In or Opting Out

For a long time, the raging working-mom story is that all the moms were quitting the career track for the mommy track. But now, apparently, the trend is reversing—and the moms who were at home are hitting the job market, thanks to concern about shrinking 401Ks or their husband's job security (or lack thereof).

I'm not exactly sure this is the case. First of all, where are the jobs that these women are supposedly nabbing? (From what I've heard and seen, the job market is exceptionally tight.) And second of all, I haven't seen any such trend amongst my friends and family members. Yeah, there are a few who did decide to become SAHMs, but it seems to have nothing to do with the lack of corporate support. It was strictly a personal preference. The bigger trend, at least among my friends, is to quit the corporate lifestyle and become entrepreneurs. Of my close circle of mommy friends, only a few are holding down a traditional, in-the-office, sick-days kind of job. The vast majority call their own shots, which makes it easier to make it to morning dropoff or that all-important preschool play. 

I do think that corporate America is failing families big time, by refusing to allow their workers the flexibility they need to have a healthy work-life balance (and make them much more motivated to work hard for their employer). As an entrepreneur, I put in plenty of hours (probably even more than I did in my corporate job)—but because I'm my own boss, I'm able to make adjustments to my schedule to accommodate my family. And I feel very, very lucky for that.

Mind Your Own Business

My mind often boggles when confronted with so many people so willing to tell other people how they're living their lives or raising their kids "wrong." You name the topic—breastfeeding vs. formula, working vs. SAHM, TV vs. no TV—everyone has an opinion, and they're willing to blab about it (and scold you about it). Especially on the web, where the opinions expressed are often extremely harsh, because those expressing it can hide away behind their computer screens.

I definitely have my own opinions about how children should be raised, and how life should be lived—and my ideas (for the most part) seem to work well for my family. But one of my biggest opinions is that I should, generally, keep my opinions to myself. We're a working-mom, mostly vegetarian, lots of pets, TV's okay, pierce-your-ears-at-age-5 kind of family. But I know that that doesn't work for everyone, so I don't feel like I should force my own views on everyone else.

I'm tired of watching women tear other women down over the choices they make, or the lifestyles that are forced on them. (Most women I know don't have much of a choice in their ability to stay at home, for instance.) Can't we all just get along, embrace our differences, and enjoy each other's company? Be a little kinder, a little gentler, a little more supportive?

I'm thankful that my circle of friends has always been supportive of my choices—even if the outside world isn't always.

I am not cut out to be a SAHM

I love my daughters more than life itself, but patience has never been my strong suit. And even though I've become a lot more patient since I became a mom, my patience hasn't quite stretched enough yet to cover a long, full day with one sick girl and one clingy girl and a lot of other side drama to boot.

I kept my oldest daughter home today because of a nasty cough she had...she didn't sleep much the night before, and I figured she'd need a long nap. But she was cranky and cantankerous, and fighting a lot with her sister. The baby decided she needed to cling to me at every moment when she wasn't fighting with her sister.

I couldn't wait for my husband to get home. Except he called first to tell me he was driving a friend from work home who was dealing with a family emergency. And then he called an hour later to tell me he'd been in an accident with my car. (Fortunately, no one was hurt, and it wasn't his fault, either.) Which means tomorrow will be even more busy than usual, as I try to get him to the train station, the girls to their respective places, and deal with the damages (because I am the "work" from home spouse, after all.) The fun never ends.

Getting Nervous

I have to stop checking on CNN for my own well-being. The economic crisis seems to worsen by the second, which tweaks me out and makes me frantic to get more work (as if I wasn't frantic enough about it in the first place).

After all, it's not like I'm in a line of work that's absolutely essential—I don't save lives or grow food or fight fires. And as you can tell from the masses of bloggers out there, even a village idiot can string a few words together—and probably would be willing to do it for free.

All this unrest just exacerbates my insomnia, as I sit up at night and either e-mail clients to see what's shaking, or plot out how we'd cut back if the flow of work slows to a trickle. Today I actually googled unemployment benefits for self-employed folks...and discovered that I don't have any. Excellent!

It's times like this that I'm glad that we at least have two incomes coming in now. So hopefully, if everything goes wonky, we'll at least have one income.

Anyone else in panic mode?

Birthday Party Bias

My daughter has two preschools. One is a half-day program for two days a week, the other a full-day program three days a week. And she seems to be pretty darned popular at both. The problem? For the kids in the half-day class, Friday afternoons have become the "it" time to host birthday parties. Which means that either A. I have to give up precious work time (and the full-day program that I've paid for), so my daughter can be the belle of the ball...er, birthday party or B. She has to miss out on a day at the movies, a party at a gymnastics place, etc.

Neither option exactly floats my boat. But because of my current workload, B is the only option. Unless, of course, I can convince the SAHMs who dominate my daughter's preschool that actually, Saturday would be a much better choice. Not very likely though, I can imagine.

The Mommy Wars Meet Reality TV

For some truly riveting TV, check out The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom, now showing Monday nights on TLC. On the show, a long-time SAHM gets the chance to see the path she could have taken...if only she'd stayed in the job force. I missed the premiere, in which one SAHM tried out life as a fashion designer, and decided to take the job that was offered to her. But the episode I did catch was actually more fascinating to me: the SAHM got a chance to serve as a sous chef at a swanky restaurant. She stumbled at the beginning, but did great by the end, and was offered a job. After much soul searching and many tears, she decided to stay home with her kids instead.

What I love about the show? I think it's trying to illustrate that these are individual choices that each mom must make for themselves—and it's not an easy choice to make. There are times I second guess my decision to keep working (even though that's purely hypothetical, as we'd practically be living in the car without two incomes). But I've done what works for me—a career, but with flexibility. And I'm lucky to have that option.

The bad part of the show? Apparently, the show's message board have become a bitter battlefield, with virulent attacks on working moms, SAHMs. Let's get over it, girls. Until you walk a mile in another mom's stilettos or sneakers, you don't understand her. We all make the decision we think is best for us and for our families. And it's nobody's business but ours.

Bringing Home the Bacon

According to a new poll, men aren't as eager these days to take on the breadwinner role solo, and more men wouldn't mind if their wives brought home more bacon than they did. And since just a few years ago, the media were trumpeting that men feel emasculated if they don't make as much money as their wives (which is complete and utter bunk, in my opinion), it's pretty big news.

It makes me wonder what life will be like for our kids...will they usher in when most men serve as stay-at-home dads, nurturing the little ones while the women conquer the corporate world?

Free Money!

If you haven't signed up for Ebates yet, now's a good time. (If you haven't heard of it, it's a site that offers discounts at various e-tailers, and you get a nice fat check every quarter of all the money you've saved...I earned $14 in my first quarter with them.) But if you sign up now through February 14th, they'll double their usual "signing bonus" from $5 to $10.

Give it a try!

Following Your Dream

If you need inspiration to get off your tookus and start doing the things you want to do (instead of the day-in, day-out garbage that "has" to get done), start following the tips in this story. I'm using the ideas to try to jump start my writing. Give it a go!

I'm Resigned...er...Resolved

A new year, a new me. So, here's what I've resolved, thus far, for 2008.

1. I will start exercising more and eating less (after we polish off the massive jar of chocolate kisses my sister-in-law gave as a gift).

2. I will stop surfing the internet so much and start working harder (though, of course, I do get story inspiration and blog inspiration from surfing...so it's not all bad, right?).

3. I will search for ways to save money (we've already gotten a good head start on this in 2007).

4. I will stop procrastinating on my book proposal. I do want to write more books, and publishers can't buy my genius idea if I don't tell them about it!

5. I will start trying to be a little more patient...with both my mate and my daughter. This will require some drastic changes to my personality. But I'll try.

What are you hoping to accomplish in 2008?