The Mamahood

Bringing Home the Bacon

According to a new poll, men aren't as eager these days to take on the breadwinner role solo, and more men wouldn't mind if their wives brought home more bacon than they did. And since just a few years ago, the media were trumpeting that men feel emasculated if they don't make as much money as their wives (which is complete and utter bunk, in my opinion), it's pretty big news.

It makes me wonder what life will be like for our kids...will they usher in when most men serve as stay-at-home dads, nurturing the little ones while the women conquer the corporate world?

Suburban Sex Lives

Today, I received my first invitation to a sex toy party. Before you get any ideas about the kind of antics that go on in our little corner of suburbia, this isn't a party where you actually use the goods: Instead, it's a modern-day Tupperware-style party, where they show off the products, and you place your order to stock your boudoir.

And while I'm glad that my circle of friends would rather stock up on edible underwear instead of plastic pitchers or scented candles, I'm not sure I'd want to attend a party which involves any sort of contemplation or revelation of what my friends do behind closed doors. (That's only slightly less skeevy than thinking of my parents getting it on.)

Still not sure whether I'll brave the bash....I'm definitely curious!

I'm Resigned...er...Resolved

A new year, a new me. So, here's what I've resolved, thus far, for 2008.

1. I will start exercising more and eating less (after we polish off the massive jar of chocolate kisses my sister-in-law gave as a gift).

2. I will stop surfing the internet so much and start working harder (though, of course, I do get story inspiration and blog inspiration from surfing...so it's not all bad, right?).

3. I will search for ways to save money (we've already gotten a good head start on this in 2007).

4. I will stop procrastinating on my book proposal. I do want to write more books, and publishers can't buy my genius idea if I don't tell them about it!

5. I will start trying to be a little more patient...with both my mate and my daughter. This will require some drastic changes to my personality. But I'll try.

What are you hoping to accomplish in 2008?

"Push" Presents

Apparently, I'm missing out. Anyone else ever hear of "push presents?" I mean, I'm all for supporting your partner through the nine months of discomfort, pain and alcohol and sushi abstinence--not to mention the excruciating labor. And if diamond studs or a mother's ring is something a new mom would appreciate, by all means, her mate should go for it. But the name they've given these things is so creepy, and I think a gift commemorating the birth should be something thoughtfully chosen and given out of love, not wheedled and whined for...and registered for!

I'll admit that I picked out some pretty pearl and jade necklaces for myself on my first adoption trip, and plan to go jewelry shopping again when we head back for our second. But that's not exactly the same thing. Maybe I deserve a homestudy honorarium or a paperwork present?

All right, ladies, fess up: What did your guy give you when your child was born?

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished...

After my big iPhone purchase a few months back (and yes, I'm still in love with it!), it was only a matter of time before my husband made the leap to AT&T with me. (Basically, we were just waiting for one of our lines to hit the end of the contract, so we were only hit with one ridiculous cancellation fee.)

I found myself with about a half-hour to kill this morning and only a week left to go in our Verizon contract, so I stopped by an AT&T store to find a great phone for him. Since I was able to buy my dream phone, I figured I'd try to get him something nice, that'd play some of his music and look semi-cool. After explaining my desires to the salesperson, they steered me to the Samsung Sync...looked cool, could store about 1,000 songs with a memory card, and came at a reasonable price. All good. I asked this salesperson at least twice if the phone was Mac-compatible. "Oh, yes," I was told. "You can definitely download music from the Mac." So I bought the phone and all the accoutrements, lugged the whole thing home with me, and basically wrapped it up with a bow.

My husband couldn't wait to get our daughter into bed to take it for a test drive. And thus commenced about three hours now of both of us scouring the web to try to figure out how to make it work. And we can't. It appears that the only decent iTunes-compatible phone on the market right now is the iPhone. And my husband's cell phone usage doesn't really merit paying an extra $200 now, plus $20 extra per month.

Soooo...I feel terrible that I got my husband so pumped for something that was a total bust. And now I have to lug the darned thing back to the store to get a refund and get him a cheapie basic phone, and to moan and complain about being misled by the salespeople. Hopefully, this time, I'll get something that he can actually use.

No More 7-Year Itch...

Eight years ago today, on a glorious, sunny day in Buffalo, NY, I pledged my troth to a wonderful, wonderful guy (and ate some really good cake, too). It's been a wonderful, always interesting road we've traveled since then.

For the first several years of our marriage, we celebrated anniversaries with fabulous dinners at very fancy restaurants: Daniel, Jean-Georges and Vong, to name a few. But since our daughter came into our lives, we've celebrated a bit more quietly...one year, it was simply Thai takeout.

Saturday night, we had our official dinner out at a little French restaurant nearby. Tonight, it's takeout sushi with our little one, and perhaps a viewing of our wedding video. (We're hoping this will help our daughter understand a little better what "getting married" means, as she's been obsessed for the past few weeks, and wants desperately to marry either Mommy or Daddy. And explaining in three-year-old terms how marriage is different than adoption is also tough.)

Here's hoping for 50 more years of adventure with my guy!

On a Spending Diet

It seems like no matter how high our income goes, our spending keeps pace. I'm earning a lot more than I ever have, and now we seem to require more: money for daily lattes and frappuccinos to keep me alert while I'm working, for takeout dinners a few nights a week, for Disney trips and a second car for me, for doggie day care visits for our puppy (don't get me started)...well, the party stops here. For the next few months, we're going on a spending diet. We're only a week or two into it, and our resolve is shaky, at best.

For instance, we just outlayed some cash for a much needed new sofa and armchair. (Our current set, an economically sound but quality-impaired IKEA special, bore the brunt of 6 years of damage inflicted by us, our claw-happy cats and now, our preschooler and puppy.) And while I was laid up with my lovely concussion, I begged my overburdened hubby for some good Thai takeout. He held strong on behalf of our budget.

But we really do need to get a handle on where are money goes. We've become sloppy with our finances since we became parents, leaving money scattered around the house, having to pay late fees and finance charges because I'd forgotten to pay a bill (something I'd have been horrified to do back before Mommy Brain attacked), spending on takeout because we were too tired to cook something in our always well-stocked kitchen.

So far, we have seen some improvement. Our credit card bills seem a tiny bit smaller, thanks to fewer restaurant charges, and I've been saving a fortune on takeout lunches since I started brown bagging again. Hopefully, we can continue to have the willpower to see it through.

Where's the Daddy Guilt?

So, my husband is every bit the modern, sensitive man--adoring father, free with kisses and hugs, eager to spend hours playing tea parties with our daughter, not a bit freaked out when she makes him be Mulan or Belle instead of General Shang or the Beast in her make-believe games. (And much more eager than I am to vacuum and straighten up around the house.)

But it seems like modern, sensitive guys are still missing the parental guilt gene. On days I'm on pickup duty, I've been known to practically sprint from the bus to the daycare so our daughter doesn't have to spend a single second there that's unnecessary. This week, Dad's on pickup duty, and could conceivably pick her up an hour early: He comes home, gets changed, straightens up, plays with the dog, and waits until the appointed time. While I definitely appreciate the straightening, I'm a little envious that he isn't wracked with guilt if he stops to use the bathroom before he runs to get our little girl.

I think it's the same way with working. I love my work and I'm very passionate about it. But if I could, I'd give it up, or at least go down to a very part time situation to spend more time with our daughter. But he doesn't feel that same need.

Are guys just lucky that they don't feel this way? Because it breaks my heart on the days when our daughter begs me to stay home and play with her.

Wii addiction

Even though I'm a total tech geek, I never was a huge fan of video games...until last week, when I discovered the joys of Wii. Fun games + actual workouts = my kind of multitasking. I spent a fair amount of my summer vacation holed up in my sister's living room, duking it out with my husband in the (virtual) boxing ring.

As soon as we arrived home early Sunday, we started going through some serious withdrawal, which led to last evening's sad, sad scene: I sat glued to my laptop all night trying to win one on Ebay. Long after midnight, I emerged victorious, and our little white fun machine should be arriving on our doorstep tomorrow.

So I'm as keyed up as a kid on Christmas Eve at the prospect of a little Wii action tomorrow night, but I'm starting to have a few misgivings about my decision to bring the thing home.

1. My daughter also fell in love with what she calls "the fighting game," and has been asking for it incessantly since we came home. (She's not a bad boxer, either.) Given her occasional acts of aggression against her buddies in day care, allowing her to master an upper cut may not be the best parenting decision I've ever made.

2. It's probably going to lead to some serious procrastination. Don't feel like finishing a project? Bored with folding laundry? Why not just load up the Wii and bowl a few frames? Given my current workload, this really isn't the time to be bringing home a major time suck...even if I can stretch and chalk it up as "exercise."

3. It may lead to some serious injuries. I'm not even joking...my husband's shoulder still hurts from trying to knock me out in boxing.

At least this is something we can do together, so we'll get a little more "together" time out of it. Right?

The Playdate Maker

I once saw Chris Rock speak the truth about modern marriages--women do all the work when it comes to maintaining some semblance of a social life for their mates. We go out and find women we'd like to hang out with, then bring our men along on an adult version of a playdate, where we coax them into starting their own conversation. "Look, Bill likes the Yankees, just like you!"

And while I've managed to build a sizeable book club that meets monthly and manage girls' only dates for movies, dinner or the opera, my husband has yet to manage the same. (In fact, when I left for a recent Harry Potter movie date with our neighbor, he seemed amazed that such a thing was possible.)

While I mostly don't mind taking on the role of our Love Boat's cruise director Julie, sometimes I wish the guys were better able to tend to their own friendships without us women getting involved.

So, mamas, does your guy maintain relationships on his own? Or are you the master of his social life?