The Mamahood

Why I Hate the Orphan Movie

That evil little preview seems to show up every time I turn on the TV, in the middle of the Tour de France coverage, or right after a cute little lifestyle segment on the Today Show. I have to switch the channel quickly, so my two impressionable daughters, who spent the first year of their lives in the care of orphanages, don’t start to wonder what’s supposed to be wrong with kids from orphanages.

I guess I should be happy that adoption groups have raised enough stink about the film that they removed the original tagline, “It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own,” from the preview. But I’m not. As an adoptive mom first, and as a horror movie fan second, I’m tired of the old “adopted kids are evil” trope that’s been beaten to death in movies like The Omen, The Ring and numerous lesser flicks. Can’t evil spring from your own body, after all, a la Rosemary’s Baby?

Because I’m so angry that this movie even exists, I have discovered Esther’s (truly bizarre) secret, and I’m sharing it with you all, so you don’t have to lay your good money down on this waste of celluloid. Here it is: Esther is actually a 30-something “proportional dwarf, who looks like a small child. She has been a prostitute servicing wealthy pedophiles and arranges the adoption to take revenge on someone. Yeah.

The Movie Equivalent of an Ingredients List...

We've been burned way too many times by my vague recollections of movies I saw a decade (or three) ago. Peter Pan was horrendously racist (and pretty darned violent), Snow White's witch seems a lot scarier now that I'm looking at it as a mom, and I must have been asleep when the townspeople sang their stirring "Kill the Beast" number in Beauty and the Beast, before hunting the poor guy down. The result? Screams and tears from my daughter and dirty looks from my husband.

But I've just stumbled upon a really fantastic site, Kids in Mind, which gives you a very specific play-by-play of anything that could be objectionable in the movie, including scary scenes, bad language or sexual innuendo—even just someone calling another character "fat." They also review movies that are in the theater, so you can save your $9 if you find out that, say, Madagascar II has a scene at the beginning where a father lion is shot and killed and the baby kidnapped. That certainly won't go over big in my household.

Check it out before you check out your next family flick.

Another Thing I Have In Common with Angelina Jolie

Take the Quiz

Apparently, in addition to our shared passion for social issues and international adoption, Angelina and I share a celebrity soulmate. Does that mean that my dear husband could be Angelina's dream date? (I'm sure he wouldn't mind.)

Going "Old School"

Sure, we watch our fair share of Pixar movies and Ni Hao, Kai-Lans...but nothing's more fun than sharing some of my childhood favorites with my daughter. We've just introduced her to the joys of Scooby Doo (or "Scoobs," as she likes to call him), and I love watching her giggle and want to act out scenes from the shows (and unlike her mom, my wise-beyond-her-years baby chooses brains over beauty, and wants to be Velma instead of Daphne).

Our bookshelves are stocked with Beatrix Potter (for now) and Beverly Cleary and Nancy Drew (for later). And watching the Wizard of Oz is a special event in our house, as it was when I was growing up.

So, what "classics" from your youth have you passed on to your little ones?

"Interactive" Entertainment

I finally realized what's been bugging me about shows like Dora the Explorer and now, Ni Hao, Kai-Lan. It's the fact that kids are encouraged to "interact" with the TV, as Dora and Kai-Lan encourage them to answer questions, participate in an activity, etc. While I'm all for encouraging kids to get up and move instead of tuning out in front of the TV, I think this whole "interactive" entertainment drive is only leading to one of my biggest pet peeves: people who talk during movies.

An occasional whisper to clear up a plot point isn't so bad, but it seems like more and more people these days are carrying on full-blown conversations in the movies. Loudly. And yes, I am that person who turns and gives dirty looks and shushes the offending parties. And when that doesn't work, I have been known to take extreme measures.

Back before we become animated movie aficionados, my husband and I would venture out to adult movies, like Lord of the Rings—where we expected people to behave like adults. At Return of the King, the guy next to me kept a constant stream of conversation with his girlfriend, at an annoying volume. At first, I figured the guy was helping his gal understand the complexities of the Tolkien universe (I've been known to need a few whispered lines of explanation)...until I realized they were talking, at length, about what they were doing after the movie.

And so I elbowed him—hard—right in the ribs. And he kept quiet for the rest of the movie. It wasn't exactly my finest moment (it's probably the only instance when I've ever resorted to violence to solve anything), but maybe it taught at least one person to behave properly at the movies. And no, it wasn't me.

Princess Power

It took just a single, hand-me-down nightgown to make my daughter fall in love with the Disney princesses. Since then, we've become big Princess patrons--our daughter owns just about every Barbie-sized princess doll, costumes for the bulk of them, and has their signatures, thanks to a Disney vacation we took.

So needless to say, when we were given an opportunity to review a new Disney princess Enchanted Tales DVD, I couldn't pass it up.

Our daughter has only seen a handful of the actual princess movies...we favor the modern-day, more girl-power princesses like Mulan and Belle around here. These Enchanted Tales DVDs recast some of the throwback, pining-for-a-prince ladies, like Aurora, in a more palatable light: Sleeping Beauty gets a chance to serve as sovereign while her parents are away, and discovers that even the most fun jobs come with some pretty serious responsibilities. Jasmine tires of her less-than-exciting role just dressing up and looking pretty as a princess, and finds a new calling and career as a teacher.

This one was a big hit with my little one, and even helped bring a little serenity during a savage playdate. It's worth checking out if your daughter's a Disney diva as well.

How much is too much?

This was supposed to be a frugal Christmas, as we're trying to bolster our adoption fund. But then our daughter kept mentioning new things she'd like from Santa (and how can we say no?). And DH mentioned that he "blew the budget out of the water" on gifts for me (even though I told him I really don't want anything). So then I went out and bought more for him...because I felt the gifts I already had for him weren't enough. So, how do you stop the madness? I'm thinking I might just go and watch this movie to help me out:

Free Movie

If you have a daughter, odds are, you have Disney Princess stuff all over the place. You can add to your little girl's collection with this giveaway over at Blogher. To claim your free DVD, you just have to leave your e-mail address in the comments section here. And you'll get an e-mail soon about how to claim it.

Calling all mamas!

Anyone else tired of hearing about the "Mommy Wars?" If you believe the media, mamas just can't seem to get along these days, and stay-at-home mamas and working mamas are waging a bitter battle over who's better.

But we don't buy into that. Here in the Mamahood, we can all get along--working mamas and stay-at-home mamas; single mamas, partnered mamas and married mamas; adoptive mamas and bio mamas; soccer mamas and slacker mamas. We hope you'll join us to weigh in on what it means to be a modern "Mama."