The Mamahood

Revamped...

I've been in love with vampires since I first picked up Interview with the Vampire over 20 years ago. I spent my senior year of college reading and watching vampire stories for my thesis on the evolution of the vampire myth.

In the 90s, I fell deeply in love with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel—I'll still watch old episodes when I can. And now, it's True Blood that holds my interest. Twilight was a little too insubstantial for my taste—the reading equivalent of cotton candy.

I did, however, force my husband to sit and watch the movie with me (a painful two hours for both of us). Halfway through, he lamented that he wanted a "Buffy-Twilight crossover event, so Buffy could come and kick these vampires' asses." I can't say I blame him. And here, he finally got his wish.

Turning Five

My big girl turned five today. So far, it could have been remarkably like my 5th birthday. A viewing of Star Wars, pancakes for breakfast, an hour or two on the Lite-Brite, some time spent coloring pictures.

Any day when I have a moment to spare, to look back, I marvel at how fast the time has flown. You can see the progression easily in her artwork. Tiny, barely visible scribbles to start (I preserved far too many). Her first instance of something facelike. People who are all heads and legs, with big jack-o'-lantern grins. And now, so intricate: houses with rainbow roofs, people with hair styled just so, Dad dressed as a Jedi.

I mourn some of the losses there: Once upon a time, she colored in coloring books with no regard to reality. Lots of purple-faced princesses with brown dresses, orange grass, blue trees. This morning, she presented me with a beautifully colored Kai-Lan, all inside the lines, black hair, blue shirt, orange pants. Just like the cartoon.

Time flies so quickly when you're parents, a blur of diaper changings, feedings, kissing skinned knees and snuggling down to read. Four years in an adult's life often brings few changes—a few pounds lost or gained, a new job, a new address. But for our big girl, it's meant the difference between a gurgling toddler and a vivacious kindergartener, grown up enough to get dressed up and go see a Broadway show with her mama. It's an amazing transformation, and I am lucky enough to witness it on an daily basis.

Now With Reviews!

I've started a new section on my blog today—The Mamahood Reviews—where I'll offer my critiques of various products and services. Through my relationship with BlogHer, some of the reviews will be compensated (like my inaugural review), but those will be duly noted in the blog. (Though you best believe my opinions will not be swayed by the swag.) And through BlogHer, the reviews will sometimes include some stellar contests, so be sure to check that page out when you can.

Hopefully, the reviews can help you navigate your way toward the best products and services for your family (and help you avoid wasting your money on the not so good).

This is Why I Hate Kate Gosselin

What kind of mom drinks water in front of her thirsty kids? A mean mom. Check it out.

Government-Sponsored Harassment

I've had to endure plenty of governmental snooping in my life, thanks to the requirements of international adoption. So when the U.S. Census Bureau decided to come calling a few years ago to get us to fill out a half-hour survey detailing our housing and utilities expenditures, I wasn't feeling too keen on doing that. And based on my research, they had no right to ask anything more than how many people live in our house.

I told them that I knew that I was not legally required to give out that information, and I was not willing to do that. But they kept calling. And coming by the house. Sometimes on a daily basis. And when I kept insisting that I would not give them the information, they told us that they simply would not stop calling or stopping by until we did. So I finally called the regional office, complained that they were harassing us, and it stopped.

Or at least, that's what we thought. Until a lady named Carmelita from the Census bureau started calling and leaving messages every few days. And then left a note on our door that it was about the same housing survey that I'd told them I wouldn't answer a few years ago.

There are government agencies I can call to stop a company from harassing us with repeated phone calls or mailings. What can I do when the harassers are the government?

Graduation Day

Time flew while we were having fun. Four years ago at this time, we were waiting for travel approval to bring our first daughter home from China, staring at a set of pictures and wishing we could hold her in our arms. Today, we'll watch her get her diploma from pre-K, and get ready to start her next adventure: the "big" school down the street next fall.

Four years have flown by in a blink of an eye. It seems like it was just yesterday that we watched her learn to walk, and now she's sprinting ahead, practically reading—a little vivacious bundle of energy that loves to explore the world and meet everyone in it. (Every playground visit she runs up to any kids there—and when we leave, she is so excited about her "new friend.")

Every parent likes to think that their child is extraordinary. But I know that our daughter truly is. Happy graduation day to my big girl. We are so proud of everything you've become.

"Real" Sisters

I knew it was only a matter of time before we got the question we'd been dreading. On the way out of the audiologist's office the other day, the office manager stopped me. "Your daughters are so cute," she said. "Are they adopted?"  (There'd have been no question if my husband had been with me. Neither of us are Asian—or as cute as our daughters.)

Then came the zinger: "Oh, are they real sisters?"

I answered truthfully: They are. It was love at first sight for these two, and my oldest is actually a much better big sister than I ever remember being (I recall feeding my sister and brother soap and dog biscuits, respectively). They spend hours playing with each other, hugging and just adoring each other. They have their squabbles over toys, but those are short-lived—it's mostly laughter and love between these two. They were simply meant to be sisters. "Yes, they're real sisters, and I'm their real mother."

But that answer wasn't enough....so she interrupted me and restated the question: "No, but are they real sisters? Like are they natal sisters?"

And so I felt angry and uncomfortable. Angry that someone would feel that this very personal question was their business after knowing my family for about 10 minutes. Angry that someone would feel it was okay to question the validity of my daughters' relationship, right in front of my daughters. (My oldest definitely understands the concept of "real" and not...and would equate "not real" with "imaginary.") And uncomfortable that the woman was blocking my exit like some sort of bridge troll, so I'd have to come up with an answer before I'd be allowed to pass.

"As far as we know, they are not biological sisters, if that is what you're asking," I said, trying hard to express my anger in my eyes, without my daughters noticing. Our girls come from two different parts of China, and they do look different—our oldest, tall and lanky with classic Han Chinese features; our youngest, delicate and petite, with more rounded eyes like the people from Southern China.

Our daughters already have so many questions to ponder in their lives: who their birthparents are, why they aren't still living with them in China, whether they do have birthsiblings in China (pretty likely), and how they ended up halfway around the world in our family. Do they really need to have the bonds they've made questioned? Do they really need to have our family bonds called into question regularly—as if their sisterly love is somehow lacking, because their genes aren't a match?

I'd like to think not, but apparently, that's not how the world views it.

Now Hear This...

Today was the big day...our youngest finally got her BAHA hearing aid, which she's wearing on a pretty pink headband. Her face just lit up...and you can tell how hard she's concentrating on taking in sounds, now that she can hear them from both ears. She's dancing, she's singing...she's just joyful.

It's truly amazing what one little, postage stamp-sized piece of electronics can do for one little girl.

What Makes it a Boy Toy?

My daughter is a tiny bit obsessed with Star Wars—a passion brought on by the kid-friendly Clone Wars cartoons and a very indulgent (and equally obsessed) father. She's renamed her dolls after the characters, draws pictures of light sabers, and wants to grow up to be "an actress in Star Wars."

But we're coming up against a familiar problem, one we faced when our daughter's passions turned toward Thomas the Tank Engine—our daughter wants products that don't seem to exist. Like Star-Wars adorned girls underpants. Or a set of girlier PJs (she wears the pair we got her in the boys' department with pride). Because, in the marketers' minds, girls couldn't possibly be passionate about anything but princesses and pink—even though George Lucas added a strong, female main character, Ahsoka Tano, to the Clone Wars cartoons in an obvious bid to garner a female fan base.

You would think that marketers would catch on to the fact that toys and passions no longer skew against that traditional boy/girl line—I have several friends who've lamented that all the Dora stuff is hot pink—a color that only the most confident of parents would dare to dress their little boys in.

It's sad that society (or at least, the marketers of society) seem hell bent on keeping girls in the dress-up department and boys in the action. And I'm so proud that my daughter is managing to buck the trend.

"The 30" List

Here's the list!

Disclaimer:  The following lists have not been verified.  The lists are only compilations of what has been sent to me by prospective or current adoptive parents. 

These agencies are reported to be included in the new online WC system:
1. America World Adoption
2. CAWLI (China Adoption With Love, Inc.)
3. Children’s Hope International
4. Christian World Adoptions
5. FTIA
6. Holt International
7. ASIA
8. Great Wall (GWCA)
9. Living Hope Adoption Agency
10. Spence-Chapin
11. Heritage Adoption Services CLOSED
12. Small World Adoptions
13. CCAI
14. Children's Bridge (Canada)
15. Family Outreach International (Canada)
16: BAAS
17. WACAP
18. Faith International Adoption
19. US Asian Affairs (facilitator, not an agency)
20. Bethany
21. Children's Home Society and Family Services (CHSFS)
22. Crossroads
23. Adoption Advocates International
24. Hope for Children
25. European Adoption Consultants
26. Adoption Associates
27. A Helping Hand
28. Wide Horizons
29. Enfants du Monde

30. Madison Adoption Agency

These agencies are part of the new system where the agency's clients are matched solely with children from two participating orphanages:

1. Homeland Adoption Services
2. Hand in Hand

These agencies have been told that although they are not currently one of the 30 agencies receiving online WC list, they will continue to receive paper WC lists:

1. Harrah’s AIM CLOSED
2. LaVida

Conflicting reports:
Children's House